Thursday, February 26, 2015

Pinterest Fail: Money Balloon

I had to go to a double birthday party for a 5 & 6 year old this past weekend.

Let’s take a second for you guys to feel sorry for me.

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Ok. I didn’t want to spend a lot of money, so I decided to use a Pinterest find and put money and confetti into a balloon.

Pin-spiration

balloons

Cute, right?

So I get my funnel, roll up the money, fill the balloon with confetti, and blow the balloon up.

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The balloons fall to the floor. What the heck?

Did I get a bad bag of balloons?

Is it because they were only .97 cents?

I do another. And another.

Until I finally realize that balloons do that unless they’re filled with helium.  Are you effing kidding me?

How did I not know this?

I don’t have helium.

I’m not making any extra trips.

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These will just have to do.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Oscars 2015 Best Dressed

As I said yesterday, my dream job is to be on the panel on The Fashion Police. And my absolute favorite part of the whole judging thing is choosing the Best Dressed. There were SO many options during last night’s Oscars. So many of the women killed it on the red carpet.  I only chose 5 to share with you guys, but these ladies were at the top of my list. See if you agree.
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Cate Blanchett
A lot of the critics didn’t approve of her black dress and said her statement necklace wasn’t Oscar appropriate. I disagree. The black dress is absolutely gorgeous and the turquoise  necklace adds the perfect pop to not make it drab. Stunning!
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Jamie Chung
How pretty is this dress. The color of navy and nude with the bursts is unexpected but just works. Gorgeous.
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Kelly Osbourne
I’m not usually a Kelly fan. And I don’t know how or why she is on The Fashion Police panel, but I will always give credit where credit is due. Last night’s Oscar look was her best ever, and one of the best on the red carpet.  The lace detail at the top and around the bottom were amazing. The different length on this dress works. And the purple hair. I’ve never liked it, but somehow, with this dress, I love it. What’s happening to me?
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Kelly Ripa
Oh, Kelly. I love you. You are so tiny, and cute, and I just want to carry you around in my pocket.
Kelly doesn’t have a huge red carpet presence, but boy does she bring it when she does. This simple black is big. Some may say it overpowers her, but I LOVE it. Her hair is perfect. I’d maybe add some emerald green earrings to top it off, but eh. She looks amazing as is.
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Rosamund Pike
Girl. You have wowed me on the red carpet this season. That huge white frock you wore to one of those other awards shows was magnificent. But you know whats even better? This lacy, red, perfectly fitted number. It fits her like a glove. I love the soft, pulled back hair, and minimal jewels. Fabulous, darling.
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There were so many other women who just shined last night, but these were the absolute best. I’m anxious to see what Giuliana and Brad have to say on my show….I mean their show.


Who do you think was top dog in the show last night?


Again, all pictures were found on people.com.

Monday, February 23, 2015

Oscars 2015 Worst Dressed

I read an article on Hello Giggles that we as women shouldn’t be shunning anyone based on what they decide to wear, that every woman is beautiful.

True, but…...


It’s fun.


And these are the freaking Oscars.


And also my dream job, besides being a Real Housewife of Wherever, is to be a host on The Fashion Police.


So of course, to prepare for my gig on The Fashion Police, I shall post my choices here in this little blog of mine.
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While watching the Red Carpet, I really didn’t see any dresses that shocked me with how bad they were. It wasn’t until a few looks later that I decided that some of these A-Listers could have made better choices than they actually did.


First, Emma Stone.
I love Emma Stone. I feel like she would be first contender for my bff in Hollywood. But this color gold/yellow/baby poop diarrhea just doesn’t work for me. The dress itself is gorgeous. But the color would be better suited on someone with dark skin. Sorry, Emma. Love you.
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Julianne Moore.
Have you seen this woman in emerald green? Killer. Navy or Cobalt blue would be amazing. But this white beaded number is shapeless and does nothing for her skin.  Also, what are these black dots that for lines around her body? Just weird.
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Lupita Nyong.
Oh, Lupita. You have made some phenomenal choices on the Red Carpet the past two years. I thought you could do no wrong. Until today. At first, I was on the fence about this risk-taking dress. I can appreciate the fact that there are over 6000 pearls sewn onto this dress. But it’s just too much. Even Arial, princess of the sea, couldn’t pull off this number. Sorry, Lupita.
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Nicole Kidman
Oh, Nicki. You freak me out. You really do. I even said last night, I think you’re still playing your role in The Stepford Wives because you never age and you’re still a little robotic to me. Anywho, back to your dress. I feel like this is the dress Rainbow Bright would wear if she grew up and went somewhere fancy. The multi-colored glitteratti just didn’t work for me.
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Of course, I thought there were plenty others whose dresses were much much worse than these 4. I won’t even mention Lady Gaga or someone of the other unknowns who made tragic choices for their Oscar attire. However, these ladies listed could have done SO much better than they really did. They have tons of options and designers available to them, and I feel like I could have made a better choice for them.


Come back tomorrow for my Best Dressed list!




All photos from people.com.

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Social Episode

I am a huge huge fan of Bravo TV. If a Housewives show is on, I’m tuning in. (Except Miami or Melbourne. Eww.) Even more dramatic and entertaining is Vanderpump Rules- the spinoff of Beverly Hills Housewives Queen, Lisa Vanderpump. It’s more or less about the bartenders and servers of her restaurant, Sur, and their crazy, immature, hoe-baggish lives.

And because I love the drama so much, I obviously tweet like a crazy person during all of the episodes. A few days after the airing of episodes, Bravo airs what they call the Social Episode. It’s the original episode but with the tweets popping up on-screen. And guess who made one of the episodes?

That’s right, bitches. Me.

Now, I don’t ever watch the social episodes, so I have no idea if this is the first and only, or if I’ve graced the screen before. I can only assume this is a first. But when I got a tweet that said, “Mazel!” and had this picture on my timeline, I about fell off of my well-worn spot on the couch. Ahhhhhhhhh!

twitter

First, I’d like to thank Bravo for airing these silly, dramatic shows that I can’t get enough of. Second, I’d like to thank Sheana for being absolutely ridiculous and giving me much material to tweet about. Finally, I’d like to thank @thebravoholclique for letting me know that I’d made the big screen.

Maybe I’m being a little dramatic here, let’s be honest, I’m always dramatic, but I AM excited nonetheless. And I’m thinking maybe I should play some sort of recurring role on Bravo- at least on twitter anyway. Smile

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Embarrassing Things Bloggers Do

If you’ve been blogging or reading blogs for awhile, I know you’ve seen things that make you embarrassed for the blogger, or things that would embarrass you to do if you were the blogger doing it.

Let me take a moment to share the things that would embarrass me to do.

 

1. Fashion Shoots

Fashion shoots in general would embarrass me, but throw me into the middle of a public place with a tripod or photographer, and I’m dead. So embarrassing. (Especially when I’d be doing the whole looking off into space, holding the hair from my face look.)

 

2. “Follow me….”

Chelsea from Sunny Sprinkle says that leaving comments that just say, “Follow me and I’ll follow you”  are stupid. And I agree. We all like followers. But we shouldn’t beg for them.

 

3. #ads

I absolutely hate those ads that can be seen on each and every blog feed in a matter of days. I, for one, especially found the tampon ads to be mortifying.  Do we really need to read about how wonderful tampons are when we already know the use/need? Ummm no.

 

4. Taking pictures of every meal

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I am guilty of this one. Those are even photos from my instagram acct. (melanie_ks if you want to follow.)  I even got sad over the weekend when I ate my meal and then remembered that, darn it, I forgot to take a picture. That’s embarrassing. Can we not eat a meal without pulling out our phones and snapping a few pictures? Apparently not.

 

5. Embellished stories

I love a heart-felt post. I love a detailed post. Heck, I love a funny post. More than anything. But when you start asking yourself if that really happened, and then you start doubting the blogger, that’s not right. Bloggers that embellish stories for effect should come with a disclaimer- “Hey. This might not have happened, but it sure as hell will entertain you.”  I can appreciate that. Not a blogger whom I constantly question their honesty.

 

What do bloggers do that embarrass you?

Looking For A Nice Crotch

You are about to see THE best autocorrect fail ever.

This was on a local sale site on FB. You know the one that lists old stuff that should be thrown in the trash for $5?

Anywho, prepare yourself to laugh. And make sure you read the entire post.

couch

If you have one that’s not worn out, I’m sure she would appreciate a reply.

Best. Autocorrect.  Ever.

Ever ever.

Surprised smile

Friday, February 13, 2015

The best thing about Valentine’s Day?

In honor of Valentine’s Day, here ya go.

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To see more of my favorite cat and his well-wishes, go here.

Bah humbug.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Valentine’s Day for Singles

Are you all alone of Valentine's Day? Have no plans? Let me offer you some awesome, fun ideas on how you can spend quality time with yourself and still celebrate the dreaded, evil, satan-created holiday.


  1. Replay this scene over and over in the comfort of your own bed.


2. Order a heart-shaped pizza from your favorite place, but ask them to put the pepperonis in an X format, thus crossing out the heart. Obviously add extra cheese.


3. Gorge yourself on your favorite chocolates. Mine happen to be Lindt truffles or Ferrero Roche. This would be perfect for what you can do in #1. But if you’re like me, you don’t want to waste them.
 


4. Get a load of non-romantic movies to watch. I'm thinking movies like Terminator, Frankenstein, Jason, etc. Anything that won't give you the feels.  


5. Online shop for things for yourself. Since you don't have a Valentine to get you a stupid stuffed animal or cheap candy, buy yourself something. I'm thinking a new bag, shoes, jewelry, or all of the above. I happen to use this excuse for every holiday. black



Use a few of these ideas to have a action-packed, no-feelings-allowed VDay.











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